"Strengthening Family Ties"
(Ephesians 6:1-4)
I. Introduction.
A. No one can ever improve upon the Ten Commandments as
basic statements of peoples' religious, relationship, and moral
responsibilities. God's commands, that make life worthwhile,
that recognize its value, and that tell us how to get along with
one another, as well as to glorify Him, are briefly, and
precisely, wrapped up in these ten statements.
1. When we get to number five, you confront a
fundamental responsibility in human relationships
(Read: Exodus 20:12).
2. Apostle Paul repeats this commandment, and adds some
words about family relationships and responsibilities in
Ephesians 6:1-4.
3. Our own observation of, and experience with, current
social trends should make it obvious that there needs to
be a strengthening of families and family ties. There is
no better place to go - no better source of guidance -
in accomplishing this than the word of God.
B. At the very beginning of the existence of the human race, as
the very first social structure God created for the good of
mankind, is the family. God recognized the need for strong
bonds between husbands and wives, parents and children. In
Ephesians 5 Paul, speaking of the church and its connection to
Christ, uses the husband, wife relationship as a comparison
(verses 22-33). Then, in Ephesians 6, he broadens the scope
of his analogy and includes children.
1. If Christianity did much to elevate the status of wives
in the first century (and it did), it did even more for
children.
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2. It's hard not to find things to love about children. Their
innocence, their honesty, their openness and trust, their
helplessness when small, all are attractive qualities.
(Jesus said: "... 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are
converted and become as little children, you will by no
means enter the kingdom of heaven.'" Matthew 18:3).
3. But, in pre-Christian and pagan civilizations there
existed a callousness and cruelty toward children that
the principles of Christian discipleship did not permit.
4. Paul, and his contemporaries, were familiar with Roman
civilization and knew how hard life could be for women
and children.
a. In Roman law, there was the "PATRIA
POTESTAS" - the "power of the father."
A father had absolute authority over his family.
He could sell a wife or a child as a slave, he
could force them to work long hours in the
fields, he could execute judgments as he chose,
punish them as he chose, even kill a child if he
chose, with no legal consequences, for he was
the "law" in his household.
b. The father's power extended over the lifetime of
the child, as long as the father lived. Even as an
adult, the child was subject to the father if the
father could impose his will on the child.
c. It's true that the powers conferred upon fathers
were seldom carried to their limits. Social
custom and public opinion did not allow this.
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5. What Paul, by inspiration, does in Ephesians 6 is to take
the fifth commandment and extend it beyond its limits
as a command for the Jews and makes it a part of
Christian discipleship. And, he gives Christians
commands meant to strengthen family ties as God
intended.
II. The Forgotten Virtue.
A. The Old Testament places great emphasis upon respect for
older persons in general, and parents in particular.
1. Leviticus 19:32: "You shall rise to give honor before
the grey headed and honor the presence of an old man,
and fear your God: I am the Lord."
2. Exodus 21:15; 17: "And he who strikes his father or
his mother shall surely be put to death. ...and he who
curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to
death." (cf. Deuteronomy 21:18-21).
B. The virtue of respect for parents and older adults was not
unique to the Jews but, over the course of time, it has become
a forgotten virtue. In our culture, age is neither respected nor
desired (but, it still cannot be stopped). Our society, our time
venerates youth - the traditional values are turned upside
down. In fact, the aging have become the "discardible"
elements of our society.
C. Jesus took the Pharisees to task for distorting the fifth
commandment: (Read Mark 7:9-13).
1. We don't really know the full details of this pledging
of one's assets to God in order to be relieved of
obligation to parents. But, apparently, a person could
pledge his substance to God.
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2. Then if, later, a situation arose involving parents, the
legalistic religious leaders said it was wrong to use
those pledged resources to benefit needy parents. The
tradition was allowed to overrule the command of
God.
D. Paul says God wants the virtue of honor for parents, respect
for them and their needs, to be a part of our lives today, as it
had been in past. To do otherwise is to disobey God
(Romans 1:30: "...disobedient to parents,..."; repeated in
II Timothy 3:2 where it's identified with other serious sins.)
E. Why should parents be honored?
1. First, because it is right (Ephesians 6:1 [underlined
portion]).
a. Even without the biblical command to look to,
there are just some things that are "right."
Surely among them is to give respect to those
who brought you into the world, fed you, nursed
you when you were sick - and so many other
things. (Helplessness of human infants and
children.)
b. God has placed parents in a certain
relationship of responsibility, and authority,
for, and over, children. To disobey, or
dishonor, parents is to insult the wisdom of
God. And, it is to tear apart the very fabric of
society.
2. Second, parents should be honored because children
owe a huge debt. A debt, again, for the provision, and
love, they received from the parents.
a. There is that special sense of security that comes
with the knowledge that, no matter what, the
love of mother and father is there for us.
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b. How could we ever repay such a debt? How
could we ever ignore such a responsibility?
The best way, the only way, to do so is to let
parents know they are loved, respected, and
honored for what they've sacrificed for their
children.
3. Third, because children can always get great personal
benefit from seeking and following the advice of
parents.
a. It takes maturity to realize we're not as "smart"
as our parents.
b. We might have more formal education than our
parents, but there is always the fact that they
have more experience at life than we do.
c. We are blessed if we let older adults - parents
and others - share that experience and wisdom
with us - and learn from it.
4. And, fourth, we should honor parents because the time
will come when we cannot any longer do this. We
honor parents with our words, by our actions, with the
time we give to them. Just a note, or a telephone call,
can be a way to keep alive the virtue expressed in the
fifth commandment.
III. The Two-Way Street.
A. Going back to Paul's words in Ephesians 6, it can be said that
some parents don't give children the place they deserve,
either. (Re-Read verse 4).
1. Parental authority over children does not justify
tyranny or abuse. At times, the defense is given by
parents: "We have the right to punish a child for doing
wrong."
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a. There is no question that the Bible teachers
that children need corrective discipline.
(Proverbs 13:24: "He who spares the rod hates
his son, but he who loves him disciplines him
promptly [early].").
b. But discipline (correction) should be
administered with patience, tenderness, and love.
It can tell the difference between a spanking and
a beating.
c. Unnecessary violence shows no respect for the
child, takes unfair advantage of differences in
physical size and strength, and violates
Ephesians 6:4: "...do not provoke your children
to wrath."
2. Obedience is a learned characteristic. The parents are
to teach the children, not expect obedience as a
natural thing. They are also to train the children - that
goes beyond verbal instruction and includes the
parents' style of life.
B. Ephesians 6 shows us the "two-way street" of parent-child
relationships.
1. Children need to cooperate with parents to have a
good home.
2. Parents should not have to battle with children for
control of the family.
3. Paul's instruction to children is: "...obey your parents
in the Lord." (6:1); Paul's instruction to parents:
"...bring them up in the training and admonition of the
Lord." (6:4). Each phrase signifies "in harmony with
the Lord's will."
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IV. Conclusion.
A. Paul says that the fifth commandment was the "...first
commandment with [a] promise" (verse 2).
1. In the Old Testament context, the promise appears to
have been tied to Israel's future prosperity in the
"promised land." ("...that your days may be long upon
the land which the Lord your God is giving you."
Exodus 20:12).
2. Paul attaches a more general promise to the
commandment in its Christian context: "that it may be
well with you and you may live long on the earth."
(Ephesians 6:3).
B. People of all backgrounds, all races, all times in history, all
cultures need to know that respect for parents is a virtue that
enhances both the quality and quantity of life.
C. The fifth commandment is the pivotal one. It concludes one
section - on our obligations to God, and introduces the second
set of commands, on our relationships with other people.
From religion we go to morality. Neither religion or morality
is served when children are denied a stable home where honor
for parents is cultivated.
D. We dare not neglect so important a rule in the formation of
values in young lives. Dare not neglect it as adults either.
Lance Lindenberger
4/15/07 PM