“Forgiving Others”
(Matthew 18:23-35)
I. Introduction.
A. Forgiveness is something that each of us has had to deal
with in one way or another. What might be relatively easy
for one person is something someone else must do with
more time, more prayer, even more help from other
people. But, we cannot hold on to anger and bitterness and
resentment, if we’re to be freed to have fellowship with
God and be what God made us to be.
B. We must understand the practical side of learning how to
forgive, and rid ourselves of stumbling blocks to true
forgiveness. One of those stumbling blocks is the mis-
information, the misconceptions, upon which some base
their ideas of forgiveness, some of which have no biblical
foundations whatsoever.
1. The first of these we need to clarify is this: Is
justifying, understanding or explaining away
someone’s behavior the same as forgiving that
person? While I may be able to understand that
someone was under a lot of stress when he or she
became angry and raised their voice and said hateful
things, is that the same as forgiving them? No.
That’s part of the process of forgiveness, but only a
part.
2. Another mistaken idea is that “time heals all
wounds.” When you think seriously about this,
how could just the passage of time, or the process of
forgetting, bring forgiveness by itself? Time could
even make the hurt deeper, if we don’t truly forgive
another person.
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3. Or, is forgiveness denying we’ve been hurt,
pretending that it’s “no big deal?” We may try to
convince ourselves that it wasn’t so bad after all,
but that is not real forgiveness. In fact, denial
works against the process of forgiveness. It’s
denying we’ve been hurt, denying what is a part
of us.
C. Forgiving others should begin at the time you are hurt or
offended. We need not wait until the other person asks for
forgiveness to do so. If that were true, there are situations
where we would never get such a request and, therefore,
supposedly need not forgive.
D. Forgiveness is a much more complex issue than just letting
time go by, or just speaking some words in prayer. It
begins by recognizing our own forgiveness and how that
fact applies to others who have hurt us.
II. The Act Of Forgiving.
A. Forgiveness is something that involves our conscious will
and that can be summarized in five steps.
B. First, we must remember, and recognize, that we have total
forgiveness from God.
1. Paul sums up our situation in Romans 6:10: “For
the death that He [Christ] died, He died to sin once
for all; but the life that He [Christ] lives, He lives to
God.”
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2. Our first responsibility is to recognize the extent of
our sin and the separation it brings between
ourselves and God. It is such a wide separation, we
cannot, ourselves, cross the divide. To re-unite
people with God, the Father; to bridge the divide
created by peoples’ sins; to restore fellowship with
our Creator and Sustainer, God made a great
sacrifice and His, Son, Christ, was that sacrifice.
3. To know, and appreciate, what God did (and does)
for us, and then refuse to forgive others, puts us in
the same category as the slave in Jesus’ parable in
Matthew 18.
C. The reason Jesus told this story is found in verses 21 and 22
(Read Verses).
1. We really owe a great deal to Peter’s impetuosity ,
and his quick tongue. Time-after-time, Peter rushed
into speaking, or asked a question, that drew from
Jesus some great lesson.
2. Here, Peter felt he was showing great generosity
and might be commended for his statement on
forgiveness. He asks a question, then provides his
own answer – one that exceeded the Rabbinic
teaching that a person was only obligated to forgive
someone else three times.
a. This idea was traced back to the opening
chapters of the Old Testament prophecy of
Amos. In the opening chapters of this book,
there is a series of condemnations on
different nations.
“For three transgressions . . .” (Amos 1:3,
6, 9, 11, 13; 2:1, 4, 6). In each case, God
says: “ . . . and for four, I will not turn
away . . . punishment,”.
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b. From this it was taught that God’s
forgiveness extends to three offenses,
and that, on the fourth offense, He
punishes the sinner. It was not thought
that people could be more gracious than
God, so the obligations to forgive another
person only went to three times.
3. Peter fully expected to be praised for his statement.
But, Jesus replies that forgiveness – God’s or ours –
knows no such limit. That led to the story of the
“unforgiving servant.”
D. Most people are familiar with the facts of the story. And
it’s conclusion aligns with other statements Jesus made on
forgiveness.
1. Matthew 5:7: “Blessed are the merciful, for they
shall obtain mercy.”
2. Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive
you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
3. Matthew 18:32-35 (RE-READ).
4. James 2:13: “For judgment is without mercy to the
one who has shown no mercy. . .”
E. When we remember, and recognize, what we have from
God, we have no grounds for refusing to forgive someone
else.
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F. This forgiveness means, second, we release the person from
the debt, what we feel they owe us for the hurt or offense.
This is a mental, emotional, sometimes even physical,
release. Hostility, animosity are dropped and we do not
hold the offense against that person.
G. Another part of the action of forgiving is to accept others as
they are. They are as we are and they make mistakes or we
make mistakes. Don’t set a standard for acceptability
higher than what we, ourselves, can achieve.
H. Fourth, make reconciliation with that other person. Restore
fellowship with them, as God restores fellowship with us.
If our forgiveness is complete, reconciliation is no problem.
This is where the joy, and peace, of forgiveness lies.
I. One of greatest examples of the act of forgiveness is found
early in the Bible – in Genesis 45 (read verses 1-8).
1. Joseph recognized what God had done for him.
That was the first step in forgiving his brothers for
what they had done to him.
2. Joseph released his brothers from the debt of sin
they had perpetrated against him. There was no
hostility or animosity toward them.
3. Joseph accepted these men as they were, and, from
all this, came the joy of reconciliation – and a
reuniting with his father, Jacob. He would never
have known such joy if he’d pursued a course of
punishment rather than forgiveness.
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J. Forgiving others is really for our benefit. Other peoples’
attitudes and behaviors may never change, and it’s not up
to us to change them. In forgiving others we set ourselves
free from the weight and pressure that an unforgiving
attitude places upon us. We can know we’ve done what’s
right, what pleases God, and what is best for us.
III. Conclusion.
A. What will happen when the act of forgiveness is complete?
1. Our negative feelings will disappear.
2. We will find it easier to accept the people who have
hurt us without feeling the need to change them, and
the bondage of resentment will be removed from us.
3. We grow spiritually every time we forgive. Our
concern for the needs of others will outweigh our
concern for what they did to us. We cannot be
self-absorbed, or self-centered, and truly forgive
someone else.
B. We cannot afford to hold on to an unforgiving spirit. Not
only does it harm us now – it will cost us eternal life.
(Matthew 18:35).